Deepest quotes

  toucheatout  2006-10-19 09:05  

All those are mainly gotten out of the fortune program and cookies, available on any good unix-like system. Other have been collected over time from various sources.

Funny

America is a melting pot. You know, where those on the bottom get burned, and the scum rises to the top.
-- Utah Phillips

Q: Mr Gandhi, what do your think of Western Civilization?
A: I think it would be a good idea.

It used to be a man's world, and the woman's place was in the home.
They can kiss that shit goodbye.

Deep, worth to meditate over

Necessity is the plea for every infrigement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves.
-- William Pitt, 1783

It is not true that life is one damn thing after another -- it is one damn thing over and over.
-- Edna St. Vincent Millay

The great nations have always acted like gangsters and the small nations like prostitutes.
-- Stanley Kubrick

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.
-- John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Too clever is dumb. --Ogden Nash

Handel's Proverb:
You can't produce a baby in one month by impregnating 9 women!

Trust everybody, but cut the cards. -- Finlay Peter Dunne, "Mr Dooley's Philosophy"

Forgive your enemies, but don't forget their names.
-- John F. Kennedy

You cannot beat a roulette table unless you steal money from it.
-- Attributed to Albert Einstein

Rather offensive yet funny/true ones

It *was* wonderfully polite of me. Usually I call the kind of cretinous dipshit that pisses me off a ``fucking asshole.''
-- Richard Sexton

Whenever someone tells you to "take it like a man" it usually means up your ass.

Join the army, see the world, meet interesting, exciting people and kill them.

Nine out of ten priests who have tried Camels, prefer young boys.

Some companies idea of playing ball is, you play ball with us, and we'll stick the fucking bat up your ass.

Q: How do you tell that your roommate's gay?
A: When his cock tastes like shit.

Computer-related quotes

One quasi infinite source of quotes is the BOFH (a.k.a. Bastard Operator From Hell) stories by Simon Travaglia. His lame, albeit always half serious, half moron (by purpose of making it absurd yet ununderstandable for the usual "luser") and always severely techno-worded excuses has given birth for instance to the "bofh excuses" fortune cookie package (fortunes-bofh-excuses under debian/ubuntu). If you are *(nux|nix) sysadmin - or tech-savvy - and a tad bored, get a look at the original stories, they really should crack some laughs.

Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway
-- Andrew S. Tannenbaum

BOFH excuse #293: You must have hit the wrong 'any key'